Dec 8, 2013; East Rutherford, NJ, USA; New York Jets quarterback Geno Smith (7) celebrates his first down run during the second half at MetLife Stadium. The Jets defeated the Raiders 37-27. Mandatory Credit: Ed Mulholland-USA TODAY Sports
Thoughts from insidej0b
OK. Here it is. The stone cold, solid, 100% infallible NFL prediction machine that is known as Mark Laxman – and this week he means it. F’reals, though. I’m gonna kill it.
Broncos – Just can’t pick against them even though the Chargers sometimes look like a really good team. It’s the rest of the time that they look like shit that makes them unpickable.
Falcons – GAG! But seriously, RGIII and Haslett have done nothing to prove what I’ve said since week one wrong: “RGIII and Haslett are both frauds.”
Browns – The line on this game is a push and I think Cleveland wants it more than Chicago. Dallas would have beat Chicago last week had that game not been played 50 feet from a ginormous lake with below freezing temps. “Browns Weather” isn’t the same as “Bears Weather” and the Browns looked pretty strong last week.
Colts – This team looked downright good to start the season and now they just look rather mediocre. But they are playing the Texans, who’ve become this year’s laughing stock (alongside the dirty birds, both of whom were preseason Super Bowl favorites…lolol)
Jaguars – The Bills are heading the opposite direction of the Jags, so I’ll give the Jags the edge in this one.
Pats – They are better than the Dolphins and the Miami weather will help their game.
Eagles – The Vikings looked much better than I expected last week, but I don’t think they have the defense to handle the pace and scheme of “Chip off the meth shard” Kelly’s offense.
Seahawks – The giants don’t suck as bad as they did to start the year but they aren’t better than the Seahawks. That said, GO GIANTS!!!
Cardinals – I like Fitzpatrick and think he’s a good quarterback, but don’t think that CJ2.7pc helps that offense and their lack of above average receivers and tight ends makes them a tough team to pick against a good defense. I don’t care who wins this game because neither matters in the big picture at this point of the season.
Saints – Regardless of their recent failures in that hell hole of a dome in St. Louis, the Saints are going to embarrass Jeff Fischer’s Rams come Sunday. Worse than they did the Panties, and they might knock Tavon Austin out of the game. I don’t know how or why I think that, but my gut says he’ll be filmed walking to the locker room and we’ll get a sideline report that he won’t be returning to the game. Saints win; 34-16.
Jets – The Panthers are done. They’ve been demoralized on national television when they had the chance to show the nation that THEY are the team to beat coming out of the South and were made to look like idiots. That’s what happens when Cam Newton runs your offense. The implosion starts this weekend and they lose out.
Chiefs – While they might not be as god as they were o start the season, they are still better than the Raiders.
Cowboys – Is Aaron Rodgers playing? Anyone? Bueller? If he’s not, Cowboys win going away. Otherwise, this pick is dumb because I have to make it before some lame Thursday Night Game.
Steelers – God damn it, Steelers. How many weeks am I going to pick you where you lose games that you should/could have won if you weren’t a bumbling bunch of Rapistberger-emulating idiots who probably fill hot tubs t=with thunderbird and get “all crunked up” the night before a game, because that’s what being in the NFL is all about, right? If that isn’t what you’re doing…why do you blow so many winnable games? I’m done with you if you blow it this week.
Lions – Shut up, Flacco. No, you aren’t elite. You aren’t even good. You actually suck and your contract will go down as one of the worst ever written and given to a player just because they won a Super Bowl with a run-0n first based offense. Megatron will dominate this week after being forced to trudge through knee-deep snow last week in running his routes.
Gimme some wins this week, football gods! Jesus Christ, you’d think I was a damn heathen that was into idol worship and prayed to other gods other than the One and Only Football God. There ain’t no other God but you (who we all know pulls for our Saints) so gimme a little help this week. Amen.
Which matchups are you most excited to watch this weekend? Which staff member do you think will emerge on top for this week? Let us know below!