Update! Darren Sharper, applicable relief and… Penile plethysmography?

Former NFL safety Darren Sharper (R) huddles with his attorney, Blair Berk (L) in Los Angeles Superior Court on February 20, 2014, as Sharper pleads not guilty to charges of drugging and raping a pair of women he allegedly met at a West Hollywood nightclub and his bail has been increased from $200,000 to $1 million in Department 30 of the Los Angeles Superior Court on February 20, 2014. AFP PHOTO / Pool / Bob Chamberlin (Photo credit should read Bob Chamberlin/AFP/Getty Images)
Former NFL safety Darren Sharper (R) huddles with his attorney, Blair Berk (L) in Los Angeles Superior Court on February 20, 2014, as Sharper pleads not guilty to charges of drugging and raping a pair of women he allegedly met at a West Hollywood nightclub and his bail has been increased from $200,000 to $1 million in Department 30 of the Los Angeles Superior Court on February 20, 2014. AFP PHOTO / Pool / Bob Chamberlin (Photo credit should read Bob Chamberlin/AFP/Getty Images) /
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Hello folks. See that look on Darren Sharper’s face as the attorney whispers to him?

He didn’t even hear what the sentence, in terms of years, was. Nine, ten, twenty, whatever… that part went in one ear, and out the other. What just got his attention was that little part called “penile plethysmography”.

Most people feel as though Darren Sharper got what he deserved, one way or another. There may be some debate as to what the proper length of sentence may be, but by and large, most men and women feel as though Mr. Sharper was a first class predator who needs to spend a significant amount of time behind bars and suffer the appropriate consequences. Men and women both agree on that. But when most men hear the term penile plethysmograph, it may yet give some reason to pause. If only for a minute or two. But more on that “test” a bit later.

For now, here is the latest on what Darren Sharper’s legal team have come up with…

Shaper, through his attorneys,  is trying to pull out all the stops. He wants to get that sentence cut down to something resembling the original nine years and change he initially got. And while playing “dum-dum” or the “I didn’t know” card is way down the list, you do what you have to under his circumstances. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Your freedom is one thing… your private parts are another matter altogether!

Because according to the terms of his probation under the Arizona portion of the global or universal sentence that was struck earlier, he is looking at being subjected to the Penile Plethysmograph.

Simply translated #1:

He’s looking at the loss of his johnson or manhood.

So if your Darren Sharper, you have to find a way to convince a judge and perhaps a few others that the original sentence was long enough, even if your crimes were vicious and sadistic in nature. You have to find a way to get our of prison in the nine or years or less so you can have a fighting chance to get out before you yourself become a victim of some untold horror.

Looking back, we can all remember when Sharper struck the global, or universal, plea with all of the four states involved, including the initial one in New Orleans that resulted in him getting the nine-year deal. But that was before Judge Jane Triche Millazzo struck that down and instead virtually doubled his sentence.

So here was Team Sharper’s response. According to recent stories published by both the Associated Press,  ESPN and the Vancouver Sun, Mr. Sharper’s lawyers have in essence lined up for a virtual “hail marry” if you will. They have attempted to pull off an Aaron Rogers before the lights go out and the game is really over for Mr. Sharper. As far as they are concerned, the nine-year deal Sharper originally struck should have been where it ended. See the video below…

They recently filed briefs basically saying that when Sharper went along with the Louisiana judge, he did so because he was worried that to do so otherwise could affect the deals he had made with the other states. His lawyers are also saying that Millazzo didn’t fully explain to Mr. Sharper that he was waiving certain rights. Nor did she ever question the defendant to make SURE that he understood what he was giving up. Lastly, Sharper’s attorneys also argued that the New Orleans judge made her sentence based on a number of 16 women being victimized throughout the tragedy, even though the New Orleans case involved only three.

Translation #2:

His lawyers are saying that Judge Millazzo pulled the wool over his head, and took advantage of their client who was really between a rock and a hard place. Therefore, Sharper’s legal team is seeking “applicable relief. What was not made clear was whether that meant Sharper wants less time, or if he will now withdraw his federal guilty plea entirely.

We’ll know soon enough.

But back to the most interesting aspect of the consequences that await Mr. Sharper, and what that attorney was really whispering in his ear:

He will be forced to undergo penile plethysmograph testing which will be used to measure his level of sexual arousal. Apparently, a pressure sensitive device is attached to the base of the penis and his reactions to sexually graphic pictures, audio, and video can be gauged and measured. From this, law enforcement can better determine whether or not he would be prone to offend again…

Really? Ha?

No wonder Sharper is trying to pull out the stops. He knows full well that the next step would be for him to wake one morning; look down, and find his johnson, aka manhood-missing in action.