Nov 21, 2013; Atlanta, GA, USA; Atlanta Falcons team owner Arthur Blank reacts on the sideline late in the game against the New Orleans Saints during the second half at the Georgia Dome. The Saints defeated the Falcons 17-13. Mandatory Credit: Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

Deadspin's Why The Falcons Suck 2014 Edition

Telepathically speaking, I know you needed another reason to take time out of your busy schedules and day to have a good laugh about the Atlanta Falcons. Well, courtesy of Deadspin, I bring you a lovely excerpt from their Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Atlanta Falcons Article:

1) Since the (admittedly fantastic) pickup of Gonzalez, our idea of doing something exciting in free agency is buying decrepit old men, like Osi Umenyiora and Steven Jackson (whose hamstrings are apparently made of damp recycled-paper towels).

2) But wait, we picked up Devin Hester this year! So now our opponents will just punt out of bounds, and we get to waste a couple days of practice drawing up gag plays to get Hester the ball, so that he can get tackled by a safety in the backfield. Maybe we’ll even devote a whole offensive package to it, like the Wildcat. We’ll call it the “DIRTY BIRD.”

3) Arthur Blank is easily the most villainous-looking owner in the NFL. He looks like a cross a mob boss and a used-car salesman.

4) But the worst thing about being a Falcons fan: we are always “just one year away from being SERIOUS contenders.” Next year has never come.

We advise you to take several minutes out of your day to read this article in its entirety, but understand as a disclaimer, this is mature content not recommended for the kids!

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