In an effort to get to know everyone here better, I thought I would more completely introduce myself with a little insight into my personal life. Most days start getting up just about sundown when the zombie girlz come in with my breakfast. Usually a light meal consisting of a glass of freshly squeezed mushroom juice with a nice hot plate of some fried buzzard eggs, over runny, and a couple of slices of smoked cottonmouth sausage, mmmmuhmmm. Then I crank up dat generator and get the old Direct TV going catch me a little news or read the obits in the paper. I love to watch those zombie girlz doing the dishes in their tight little moss mini skirts, oh yeah… you know what I’m talking about.
Well no time for that right now, I like to be the one to wake up the little zombies from their days sleep by putting on some cartoons to get them going, some Three Stooges and some Popeye will get those lil darlings in a slaphappy mood ready to fight and tumble around the cemetery all night long. I love the sound of screaming zombie kidz in the night!
Then when it’s good and dark it’s time for some work, I’ll check the computer for any Saints newz and check the boards for any trolls that need some voodoo slapped on their crying and complaining azzes. (I swear I’m not talking about you Viking fans ; ) After my puter time and a good cup of joe, no really we dissolved down Joe Namath in some sulphuric acid, I can’t wait till tomorrow because he gets better tasting every day! Then me and a few of my zombie girlz jump into my black Z71 Suburban 4X4 hearse and go looking for some unsuspecting tourists lost in the swamp to play around with. Usually we just, after making sure they are not Saints fans of course, scare the crap out of them and maybe a little voodoo spell or two but we don’t kill ‘em hardly ever. Well that is unless we really like ‘em and want to make some new zombies out of them, but I have many mouths to feed now.
Well after a hard nights work messing with the tourists and any swamp Sasquatch’s we run into it is time for some real fun. We usually head up to the French Quarter and hang out at our favorite watering hole The Dungeon. It is usually rocking by 2 or 3am and time for us to get loaded with the gang, do some dancing, keep my eye out for any prospective new zombie girlz we might want to take back to the mausoleum for an ‘interview’. Basically, we just have a regular good old time in town, us zombies are just like everyone else you know.
After a hard night partying we head back down to Cocodrie where our cemetery is at, keeping our eyes out for any good road kill to pick up for supper. The zombie girlz make the best gumbo with dat stuff you ever did taste. I always stop by my favorite poison ivy patch to pick some nice fresh leaves to put into my mint tea or pick a bunch if we need to make another batch of my famous poison ivy wine…if ya aint tried dat you aint never died! When we get home, the grilz cook up whatever we having for supper and have ourselves a real feast, South Louisiana Zombie style.
After dinner we sure like to watch us some TV just like everybody else, our favorite shows are the classics, you know The Wolfman, Dracula, The Mummy, Night of the Living Dead and of course our favorite…Morgus The Magnificent!
Well… those girlz like dat new show, Interview With A Vampire…dey like dat Brad Pitt boy…hmmph, they would like to make a movie with him, Interview With A Zombie!
Well by then it’s getting early and I got to get those little zombies to bed so me and the grilz can have some loud time ya know. I usually tuck them in with their favorite nursery video, The Blair Witch Project, they sleep so peacefully after that, just like their dead. Then I’ll go sit on the back porch of the mausoleum and feed my pet alligators some of them monkeys I trapped dat got loose from Audubon Park after that hurricane Katrina. I love to watch them lil monkeys scream and the kids say it makes their show more better too. Then me and the girlz all snuggle up in my swampwater bed and doze off listening to the sounds of lost souls and monkeys crying in the night…aint it great to be a zombie!
Gris Gris Man, Voodoo Surgeon General and just a regular kinda guy
Tags: New Orleans Saints